We are approaching an anniversary.

This is what I wrote at S&T30 about Boo originally:

“A longhaired guy visited my profile on gaydar, I messaged him jokingly because I misread the captions on his pics — short-haired “July 2006″ which I read as “July 2008″, then lovely long locks on “August 2008″, so I just had to ask. That lead to a rather nice chat, which was sadly cut short because he had to go offline. I happen to like people more when their profiles do not feature photographs of their genitals and their messages are more elaborate than “hi sexy”, and this guy scores on both counts. Hope there’ll be more chatting to come. And, damn, that’s a really damn hot 44-year-old.”

Then, a while later, on November 29:

“Tonight on the other hand I am meeting Boo. Boo is the 44-year-old longhaired bloke whom I wrote about the last time. We’re going to have dinner together at his place and watch a movie. As for whether anything else is going to happen, I have no idea — I’m at the stage of my life right now where I don’t plan, don’t expect and don’t assume — and it’s working quite nicely. So far.”

It’s been, as you can see, over 11 months since then. It is open to interpretation what should we choose as the “starting” date — first message? First dinner together? First kiss? First sex? (In case that is not obvious, that’s four different dates.) Anyway, by now I knew him for almost a year.

We talked about our relationship this weekend. None of us is anxious to move in together or get married; even though I entertain the thought of proposing every now and then (particularly moments when Boo does something REALLY cute), I can see that I love my loneliness sometimes; I love to just not see anyone, go to my own bed on my own, spend the evening in front of my computer. Boo feels similar, plus, he has been burnt very badly before and so he is rather keen on keeping the arrangement that we have, which is working, rather than changing it onto a different one that could work or not. Never change a winning formula, etc.

I don’t always like being with him. I don’t always like how I act when he is around; I let him take over most of the time, he’s a natural leader — this could become a problem, because I don’t necessarily think I am a natural follower. Sometimes I think he’s a prat. Sometimes I think he treats me like a kid. Sometimes I end up saying yes to things to please him, and then I don’t like myself for saying it. Sometimes I expect him to act the way person of my nationality would, and then he doesn’t, and then I am angry with myself.

Every day I ask myself, should I be in a relationship? Should I be with this particular man? Every day, so far, at least since our last breakup, the answer is yes. Even though I do sometimes miss being single, I do get dirty thoughts regarding other men, I do wish certain aspects of Boo’s personality were different… at the end it comes down to this — I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship, but if I do, it’s hard to believe there is a better match out there for me than Boo.